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As happens every December, the internet's spent the past month basking in the warm glow of nostalgia, and at long last, our illustrious friends over at PornHub have joined the year-in-review bandwagon. And what did these intrepid naked number crunchers discover?
Perhaps
the least surprising bit of knowledge to come from this fresh load of
data is the fact that, during the coldest months, people prefer to stay
indoors and keep themselves warm the only way they know how. (By
masturbating. I'm talking about masturbating.) It's also refreshing to
see that, if not just for the warm summer months, people have apparently
not yet forgotten that there is such a thing as "outside."
The
most interesting revelation appears to be that Thursday has become the
worst day for special sexy alone time. We welcome your theories down
below.
And in what's sure to bring a tear to any patriot's eye, America is still number one when it comes to the duration of each individual visit to pornland. We did it, you guys—USA!
But
within the US, not every state is built to last—unless you're in the
South, that is. Because nearly every state in the top five hails from
below the Mason-Dixon line. Northeasterners, you've got some catching up
to do.
Fascinatingly,
nearly half of Pornhub's clientele is getting its filthy movie fix
on-the-go. And tablets are only making for a small percent of that; 40
percent of all porn watching was done on a smartphone. Are people simply
trying to be discrete? Are people using their bathroom breaks at work
to kill two birds, so to speak? We'd rather not know.
But we are still human, and man cannot live on porn alone. Especially when the Walking Dead
is on, apparently, because Pornhub saw a six percent decrease in
traffic the night the finale aired. Makes sense; it's hard to feel
self-sexy when zombie deaths are going down just a few feet away.
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